My Testimony

June 9th, 2005

Rekindle the Fire


LeonardCua

 

Gaya Ng Dati

Dati-rati
Laman ng puso mo ay ang pangalan Ko
Lagi Ako sa isip mo
Dati-rati
Inaawitan pa lagi ay may ngiti
Mga matay nagniningning
Ngunit ngayon nagbago ka
Nasan na ang init ng pagsinta
Pangako moy hindi magwawakas

Di bat noon
Samyo ng bulaklak at ihip ng hangin ay kapansin-pansin
Di bat noon takbo ng oras ay di mo napapansin
Laging naglalambing
Ngunit ngayon naglaho na
Siglat tamis ng iyong pagsinta
Pagmamahal Ko bay kailangan pa
Ooh

Dati-rati
Mga pangako Koy kandungan mot lakas
Sa pagsubok ay kay tatag
Di bat noon
Sa kaibigan moy Akong bukambibig
Bakit ngayoy anong lamig

Di mo alam Akoy nasasaktan
Sa di pagpansin sa Aking pagmamahal
Lumapit kat Akoy naghihintay
Naghihintay, ohh

Akoy nasasaktan
Sa di pagpansin sa aking pagmamahal
Lumapit kat akoy naghihintay

Di mo alam Akoy nasasaktan
Sa di pagpansin sa Aking pagmamahal
Lumapit kat Akoy naghihintay

Panginoon
Akoy nabulag ng mandarayang mundo
Ako ay patawarin Mo
Mula ngayon ang buhay kong itoy
Iaalay sa Iyo gamitin mo ako
Gaya ng dati
Gaya ng dati
Gaya ng dati

Sometime today I dropped by the chapel, however, this time things were different. I walked slowly to one of the seats at the back and sat down. I was generally in a calm disposition and I hoped that I could spend the time meaningfully. However, as I bowed my head down, and my eyes crossed the floor I remembered something that happened as I was looking at the same flooring around two years ago. That time the ground became damp with a few tears that ran across my eyes, and I was able to reminisce the passion I once had for the Lord as I was growing as a young Christian. I guess I was moved by how I was before, that time when I was younger; I could really feel the passion inside of me, and that time it was pure. My heart was really for the Lord and I was just so blessed that the messages that I’ve been taught was sustained within me by the Holy Spirit. I truly loved God so much, and He was always on my mind. I can’t seem to explain how I felt; the Lord just filled me inside with so much passion that I could say somehow I was blinded from the boundaries of the world. I would have done anything for Him, and I constantly thought of being so bold that I didn’t care about what others thought, and I just fixed myself on carrying out His commands. I surmise that I just feel that I really want that zeal back inside of me. For somehow, I’ve been clouded by the ways of the world and stained by its provisions. I’m afraid that somehow I’ve changed and I don’t have the same sense of foresight that I used to possess. Looking back, I could say that I would have set my heart and gave everything up for Him, yet now I’m afraid I’ve become too attached to things of this world that it’s keeping me from fully serving the Lord. Sure, I know that we’re called to use worldly wealth and resources for building God’s Kingdom (Luke 16:9), but I suppose that in some way, I got too caught up with things. Moreover, I guess somehow I’ve changed, yes, I was able to mature and my faith has grown but I’m still fearful that my influence has been tarnished. During my first year, I was truly blessed to have brought impact to the people around me and I was happy that I helped others in their troubles. I remembered the time where I would contest with my classmate who was so into magic and we would dispute over its morality and I would just contend with him through Bible verses. I also got known for the Bible and my love for God, and the long prayers that I would make. I was just so blessed that somehow I was able to influence them and testify on how Christ changes people as they knew I wasn’t like that before. However, now when they talk about me, I still somewhat have the essence of spirituality and I’m glad that has been established, but now it’s mixed with the talk of firearms or when things get a little more physical. I just don’t know, I suppose that if they’d get the chance to describe me in one word, I’d have the uncertainty of what they’ll have to say. Thus, I had to reflect and ponder on this matter, because, I guess that I’d want the conviction back in me, I’d like the fire to be rekindled within me so that I could truly say that I lived my life completely for the Lord. It’s just that sometimes I’d wish things were like they were before, but patterned with what I’ve been able to pick up. I still remember the night I made my commitment to Christ, and I’m thankful that He’d made my early steps with Him so wonderful, and I know His future plans are great. I very much pray that He’ll bring the fire back within me, but I guess that’s also up to my own heart. I know very well that He’ll provide the way; He’s always there for me and I’m certain that He wants me to have Him truly in my heart. I’ve written about passion and love much here, but I’m not quite certain that I felt that way deep inside, and thus I sincerely hope that I live out what God’s calling me to be. I want to be used by Him again, as it was before, for I’ve been given the opportunity, and I really desire that I’ll have the heart again, so that maybe the people around me would be as blessed as I was. Therefore, I decided to reaffirm my commitment, and hopefully I’ll be as whole as I was before.

Posted by LeonardCua at 12:01 AM | Add a Comment

June 7th, 2005

The Race Begins


LeonardCua
I woke up quite earlier than usual but it’s wasn’t like I slept much at all. I finished around 800 push ups at around 3 a.m. for the exercise that I missed out on then awoke a few hours later to get ready for school. Needless to say I was somewhat excited for the first day, and I wanted everything to go out well. Therefore, I started the morning off praying just so I could set myself in the proper mood and dedicate everything to Him as I would attempt to keep my mind on His grace to infuse the troubles to be encountered with the assurance of hope. Wearing my new uniform felt awkward for me, especially because it didn’t feel normal as I’m accustomed to wearing something tighter. My polo shirt just felt so large; nevertheless it was still all right and I dealt with it. The ride to school was fine even though it was traffic at one instance, because it soon cleared up after a while and I arrived with much time to settle down. However, something was different about being in third year, I realized that I was now going up to the fifth floor and my back started to ache as I walked up the steps, but I’ll get used to that after a while. Seeing all the familiar faces and remembering how school used to be was just a little exuberating as I recollected the feeling of going through the sense of life school brings. Anyway, I entered my classroom afterwards, and was caught by this message on the bulletin board.

 

Well, I quickly felt the sense of disapproval as I didn’t believe in that statement. For me, I’ve learned that only through faith in Christ one is gifted with eternal life, but it appeared that the message pertained to another depiction of immortality. As my class adviser later explained, it was concerning remembrance of those people who have been able to achieve something or made a contribution, and were worth remembering through the ages even though they’d been long gone. Yet, I guess I have to say that I haven’t really put much care into that. I suppose that it’s because I’ve learned through my reading of the gospel today that it doesn’t really matter how others look at you, it’s in the eyes of the Lord that counts. Moreover, Jesus has revealed that true honor worth striving for is in the Kingdom of Heaven and that will truly last forever.
Anyway, it was quite a different feeling to see all my classmates again. They stopped calling me, “Buffy” anymore, now they’re starting to call me, “Thin Leonard” because according to them I got thinner. Well, I guess they’re somewhat justified in saying that, it was actually one of my summer goals before to loose weight in fats and gain more muscle mass. I lost over 20 lbs during the summer, my waistline went from 32 inches to somewhere below 27 inches but now my pectorals measure over 37 inches. Hahaha. Sweet. I wonder if I got to grow taller though… Anyway, I started reading the New Testament today as I did that the second time I read the Bible and that’s why I ended reading the Old Testament to finish. However, as I was in my seat the first thing in the morning, I could already hear my classmates devising plans of cheating and using leakage. Tsk tsk tsk… I live in an immoral world. However throughout the period, I was assigned to be the prayer leader by the class, and that was when I realized that somehow through the previous year, I somewhat gained their respect and credibility, and I hope that this year I’ll be able to help them somehow… After a while when we required paper for writing, it happened again. All my classmates around me were asking for paper from me as they did last year. Last year they’d get papers from me everyday and they’d never learn to bring their own. Sometimes I feel that they’re taking advantage too much or that I’m being too kind, but I have to keep in mind that I’m supposed to be kind enough to give and use the opportunity to practice the servant life. Yet it’s one thing that they said that sort of offended me, “We’re not borrowing naman eh, hingi ito.” Oh well… those are my classmates…

There were numerous moments of laughter in certain occasions where my class would make comments concerning others while they were getting acquainted with the teacher. I guess it’s just that we learned so much about each other already and we’ve been able to understand each other’s unique traits. However, much of the day was spent wearily as it got to be very tiring. The talks and the orientations made many of us feel sleepy and much lost interest. Nevertheless, keeping to the long schedule of school made me realize how valuable my free time was and allowed me to make the best use out of it. Over lunch, as I ate, I conversed with one of my classmates concerning the M4 Carbine and the AK 47 as he seemed interested in knowing the effectiveness of each weapon. It was an entertaining talk with him and I’m glad I was able to shed some light on that. However I then thought of going to the chapel to spend some time reading through the gospel. I was surprised to see that there was a new altar set up and things got renovated.


 

Nevertheless, it still set the mood for my reading as I was truly blessed at that time I spent with the Lord because I was really valuing the time I had with Him. However that time was short-lived as I had to go back up to the classroom after a while. As I went out, I passed by Charles who asked why I seemed so sad. He asked if it was because of that big pimple on my face. Well, the reason wasn’t that, but I’ve been bothered by that for quite some time. Anyway, I got back up and sort of just tried to relax and go through the rest of the periods. School really brought about much stress especially for one who just enjoyed summer so much, and I was so glad when the day finally ended.
After dismissal, I proceeded to my mom’s clinic in City Center to get treated. I had the pimples injected, and much of the other black heads extracted, but I also managed to go through this whitening peel. I pretty much slept through the procedure, but I could still feel the pain, but somehow, it’s God’s way of providing a method for me to be healed, so to speak. My complexion would be fine in a few days. I surmise to say that school will really take a lot out of me, and I know that I may not be able to update as often either, but I’ll make it a point to if the need arises. I already have homework, and I’ll have to face the tribulation ahead.
However, I have to keep my heart set on Christ, and “I press on, that I may lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me”-Philippians 3:12  

Posted by LeonardCua at 09:02 PM | Add a Comment

Relinquish Summer


LeonardCua

I thought that maybe you could sit here next to me…

 

 

But then again, maybe it wasn’t meant to be…

 

 

Then I deemed that placing my attention to other fascinations would make me forget…

 

And it worked for a while, I had enjoyed playing around...

 

It was fun, but in the end, when magazines go empty and the slide locks back, it just doesn’t satisfy.

 

 

Yet, this song was able to somewhat bring some light into things…

 

 

Any Other Love

 

Any other love
Is imagined
This is real
Infatuation fun
Fades and loses its appeal
It dims my eyes
To the face
That until now I could not see
It's starting to sink in
The deeper I think in
These terms of eternity

CHORUS:
Turn from any other love
To the only face of Your love

Any other love
Is misplaced identity
Pairing pride and shame
With the life it fakes of me
Faces of familiar loves
Fall in shadows on the floor
Chased there by
The light that pours
When you open every door

CHORUS

You're the only face
Of God's love for us
The one and only face
Of God's love for all of us

Any other love
Wants much more than I can give
I'm telling everyone
This is the way I choose to live

CHORUS

 

 

There it is, only Jesus can satisfy. Any other love would require so much more of me, but with Christ, we’re just called to believe and the rest will follow as one loves Him even more. Thus I will turn away, and seek the face of my real love. I suppose it did fade a bit, and I guess that I’ll end up suppressing it. It’s just not time yet, and I’ll wait on the Lord. I know that if it’s really His will, then nothing will go wrong. Besides, I have to seek first the Kingdom of God, obey the Lord’s will for me and fulfill the works he set ahead of me. There’s just so much beauty in His plan, but there’s also much tribulation ahead, and I’d like the Lord to be at my side when I go through the trouble. Therefore, I set my heart on the Lord once again, for I love Him. As for her, I’ll wait for when the time is right with the Lord, for I trust the Lord’s plans and I know that she’ll just be there. Thus I will preserve myself from everything else and keep the Lord in my heart always, and I’ll just learn to be a better person as time goes by.

 

That's my gear. hahaha

 

Anyway, where had I left off? Ah, last Saturday, I woke up late and sadly no one was able to bring me to Jzone. However, I tried to make the most out of my time at home by picking up on my Bible reading. Therefore, I spent a lot of time with Him and I was able to get to know much more about God’s faithfulness to those who seek Him. It was remarkable; I was able to read through Daniel and the lion’s den and went through other stories about the prophets. From what I had been able to find out, the Lord’s extremely merciful and understanding as He would just pour out His redemption as He would just value repentance. I actually got more acquainted with the old ways of justification by the law, and it really turns out that people need Jesus. For, if not for Christ, no one would be truly righteous in the eyes of the Lord, and it just allowed me to simply appreciate the sacrifice of Christ even more. Moreover, it was quite a productive afternoon for me, until I had to end to get ready for Smarla’s last play. I was actually afraid that I might have been late since it was raining hard as it was nearing starting time and I hadn’t even left yet. I ran through the rain and almost slipped on the tiles beside the pool on my way to the garage, but I suppose it was really the Lord who kept me from falling as I stumbled. Anyway, it’s just remarkable sometimes, when you trust God, it would really seem that He just clears the paths and makes everything all right. As my Bible teacher once said, even traffic disappears sometimes, and I have to admit that’s quite true for we really believe that God is genuinely in control of everything. Aldwin was actually there ahead of me and I asked him to reserve a seat for me, and he replied that he also bought me a ticket. I really appreciated that. Anyway, I arrived right before the preliminary presentations started and freshened up. I offered to pay Aldwin back but he wouldn’t accept it, so later on I just donated the money instead. It was a blessing for me and I guess that it was in support of Koine as I really admire the method of how they would use their talents to have this mission of helping the poor and supporting scholars. The atmosphere there would really warm my heart with the sense of passion of the cast which simply appears to captivate the audience.

 

 

The show hadn’t started yet though I thought it did as there was actually a trailer for the other plays before this one started. I was actually quite impressed with that, it really changed the mood of things. Anyway, the play started and the lights were turned off already but you could see the shadows of the actresses in the scene, and Aldwin leaned forward and asked if it was Smarla. It was a good thing it was, for if it wasn’t that would be really awkward. Hahaha. This first play was actually very astounding, as Smarla performed rather well. Aldwin and I were just in awe of her especially considering that she only received the role a few days ago and was able to keep to her lines very well. It was rather intimate, yet one could really understand the drama and somewhat relate to their situations. Aldwin actually nudged me when they mentioned living a life for God alone. Hahaha. Wait…Hey! Tsk tsk tsk… The one act play actually pertained to these two friends who were talking about relationships, marriage and the like as they discussed through the troubles and hurts that would come out of each. It actually made me think about some things and allowed me reflections of how I used to think. However, the play had some humorous moments and it ended up well in the end as there was actually a misconception that occurred. So in the end, it was actually relieving for me.

 

Same Ground again.

The Set.

The trailer for the play.

She was heartbroken.

Her friend was the only one who could comfort her.

Yet it appeared that her friend had issues of her own.

It was difficult to accept.

A desperate attempt to hypnotize her into reality.

But in the end, there was just a misconception and everything was fine.

Smarla was great!

 

We filled up the evaluation forms after and waited for the next play. As the usual intermission, the scholars danced for us. However, something quite funny happened, one of the parent’s children actually walked to the middle of the dancers and started imitating them. It was so cute. Hahaha. It was rather adorable to see the little girl join them. That made the presentation a little bit more enjoyable. Afterwards that dance, we proceeded back into the theater and sat back into our seats, but we noticed the set up and were sure where Smarla was sitting. There was actually this chair with a bag and GaryV poster in it, so Aldwin and I were quite certain that she would be there. However, this was the presentation where Smarla’s role was actually of a gay boy. Thus it was really exaggerated, but I don’t think that anyone really assumed that. The plot this time was concerning this boy who was reminiscing the past times he spent with the girl that he loved. Smarla and AJ were his friends who spent time with him to allow him to remember the valuable moments and were lead to encouraging him to go after her to restore the broken relationship. The presentation was aimed at providing entertainment, allowing the audience to associate with the situations and to somewhat impart a valuable message on relationships to teenagers. Yet again it didn’t disappoint and I was really touched, but on the lighter side, it was quite entertaining as the roles this time were meant to present more hilarity. AJ was really funny and Smarla showed her other side, so to speak. Actually Smarla was rather cute in the other scenes and a joy to watch. She really makes acting look easy and it’s wonderful to watch her plays. However, I just have to say that sometimes I get confused on how to speak to her seeing that she’s shown so many sides but I guess all I have to do is to edify through Christ.

The dance presentation of the kids...

With a little extra...

Right before the play started, we were certain who's chair that was... 

...and we were right.

He's still daydreaming about her.

She hasn't spoken to him for a while.

A vibrant reminiscence.

Wait...she's there!

But she's been hurt.

Watch out for Gary.

Awwww.......

She looks so cute eavesdroppping.

They tell him to go for it, and he eventually does.

The play was entertaining yet still was filled with reality worth pondering upon.

Director starts singing, and Smarla searches for Gary.

She finds him...

...and holds on tight as she's quite touched by the song.

One final picture of the cast.

 

After the show as usual, the director sings, but seeing that it was Smarla’s last time there he sang GaryV’s Warrior is a Child and Smarla just clutched on her GaryV picture. Needless to say that she was quite touched especially during the occasion. I took many pictures again and some videos, and we met Smarla after the play. However, she had her call time again and Aldwin and I waited for her outside. After a while, she came out and we waited downstairs, but it appeared that her parents didn’t make it because of heavy traffic. Therefore, Aldwin and I waited with her and we just entertained ourselves by talking about some things. My parents were already asking me if I was finished yet, but I replied that I was waiting with Smarla and Aldwin at the time, and they allowed me to. Smarla got distressed after a while and started writing this letter for my parents. I still don’t know what’s in there as she really took a long time writing it. Anyway, Aldwin and I joined Smarla and her family for a late dinner at Chili’s. At that time, Smarla showed me this magazine, Kerygma which I took time reading. I think that she thought I really liked it, but I was just somewhat interested because I never really read those things. Anyway, parts of the magazine got my attention and it was a little funny on how they presented their testimonials, so I was quite enthralled. However, I didn’t really think that I could really take the time to read it as I was already familiar to those matters. I wanted Smarla to be inspired instead, since the Lord really allows me such wonderful experiences, but she wouldn’t take it back. She was actually forcing it on me and I don’t know, it was hers so I couldn’t take it. It even has her name on the cover and I just didn’t want to take it from her that way. Then she said to take it as a remembrance of her, but I don’t know, it seemed difficult for me to accept it that way. After that, she did it again, made that sad face like last time. Gosh that was so manipulative. Oh well, I guess it worked and I accepted the magazine in the end, and I’ll remember her every time I see one and when I read it. I’m actually fascinated by it, seeing that people can write and present their beliefs as well as their testimonies as they fulfill God’s purposes through writing. Maybe that would be fitting for me someday. Nevertheless, we continued on with dinner, I didn’t really want to eat because I already ate dinner. However, I didn’t want to burden them anymore so I opted for the salad. I’m not sure why, but I’m somewhat afraid of Smarla’s brother Milo. He seems somewhat mean. Maybe he was having a bad day. The night went on until the early a.m. and we could say that we were together for three days. Hahaha. When they were about to leave, Smarla invited to bring Aldwin and I home, but we had trouble deciding if we would join. It took a moderate discernment to arrive upon the decision to ride with them, but we ended up doing just that. The trouble came when I was brought home and the car went to a dead end but fortunately, I was able to call them to say so. Anyway, I ended the night with fixing some things, thanking Smarla and Aldwin, then going to rest.

The Tambay Kids.

I'll remember her everytime I see that magazine.

 

The next day, I woke up extremely late in the afternoon, and then just decided to finish reading the Bible that day. It was around 5p.m. when Smarla texted me and invited to watch Star Sports where there was this billiards game where she was in the audience. So I ended up watching the game until around 10 p.m. The trouble was that I couldn’t exactly pay close attention to the game as I had my Bible on my lap, but I took a look every time they shot the nine ball and would show the audience thereafter. Smarla was actually at the far back but I caught several glimpses of her and even got to take pictures of the television. Hahaha. Anyway, I finished reading the entire Bible again that day and it was actually the Maxwell Leadership Bible Version. However I kept mainly to the text of the Bible and didn’t take much time reading the study notes. Nevertheless, the most important thing that I learned about leadership is that it really pertains to one’s relationship with the Lord. It was remarkable because I found out that it really doesn’t matter whether one is really skilled or not, but it’s how faithful one really is with God that counts. For in Christianity, it’s not the Christian being able to perform great things but God using Him as an instrument wherein He is glorified. God really deserves all the glory and without Him, I wouldn’t be able to do anything well. I’m actually a terrible speaker and I’m quite weak but I can say that the only reason that I’m able to get anything done is that I try my best to dedicate it all to Him and rely on His grace, and He never failed me.

 

I started taking pictures of the tv. Hahaha. Smarla's over ther on the top.

There on the upper right corner.

 

Anyway, Smarla and I were actually taking notice of this Filipino player who was as she said, acting like an elf. Come to think about it, it really appeared so, but he was a good elf. He could really play well, but it was unfortunate that he didn’t make it to the finals. Anyway, I’m not sure I acted as I should have and I was uncertain if I really used my speech for the right purposes. I surmise I should be more careful and I have to say what’s beneficial as I carry the name of Christ. However, that night was somewhat fun as I ended up watching billiards too. Hahaha, it was quite enjoyable actually but I’m not sure I have the liking for that game, but viewing is all right.

 

That's her on top again behind the girl wearing orange, I assure you.

That's elfie. Haha. Smarla's there on the top right corner wearing black. See?

Smarla said "cra ka tlga" yeah, sometimes I do foolish things, but now I can say I watched my great friend on tv and I can prove it. Hahaha.

 

Anyway, I guess I spent the last days of my summer quite well since I’ve been able to stay with the friends whom I really grown closer to. It would be difficult to accept that we wouldn’t get to see each other that often anymore. But, I guess we’ll be able to keep in touch, but as time goes by, somehow our bond will go stronger. I never expected my summer to be this memorable, nor have I assumed it would serve such an impact upon me. I surmise that I’ve been able to accomplish much of my summer goals and I’m blessed that through the Lord I somehow got much more than what I expected of this summer. I really want to thank all my friends for making my summer so unforgettable and I’ll pray for the best for all of you. You all made my summer so special. I’ll assess my goals and post a commemoration next time.

 

 

Yet, I have to say I really have to thank the Lord for allowing everything to fall into place. He made much of my dreams come true. The plan He had for me that summer was so remarkable, and I’m truly blessed with how He worked throughout the experiences I had. I love Him and I’ll keep Him in my heart as I go through the year of trials and ordeals because I know I’ll need Him and He won’t let me down.

Posted by LeonardCua at 01:17 AM | Add a Comment

June 4th, 2005

Captivated


LeonardCua

Nyar I didn’t update for quite a while... Hahahahaha, but I’m supposed to write with purpose, and I just can’t post anything meaningless right? (Raphie keeps on using “nyar” and it’s getting a little bit irritating, and I’ll intent not to use that word here again.)

Therefore, here are some things that went by the past few days…

It was so amazing, as if God just presented the opportunity to me; I was even the one whom was approached. Anyway, through the grace of the Lord, I was able to accomplish it once again, to share the good news of the salvation of Jesus Christ despite my shortcomings in vocals once again through YM. It was just so wonderful, seeing that somehow, I’m still able to fulfill the purpose of edifying the gospel through alternative means and it was just such a joy to be able to obey the commission of Christ.

Last Tuesday also, I was able to go to SM Megamall to watch the Trumpet’s Playhouse performance which included my two friends, Aldwin and TJ. In support of their work and appreciation of the talents which have been developed through God, I decided to take part in viewing their presentation. On that day however, I arrived extra early around 1 pm, knowing that the show would begin at 4 pm, as I thought that I could somehow watch them practice. Nevertheless, it would seem that their groups were different and I was left no choice but to go around the mall. That’s when my mom sent me a message telling me to buy slippers since I seem to have lost mine. However, at the department store, I learned something new about myself; I don’t know anything about footwear. Hahaha. I think there was an instance where I got lost in the ladies section. Hahaha. Oh well, after some time searching, I finally found a pair similar to my old ones so I just purchased those instead. After a while, I went back to Cinema 11 to check if anyone else was there, that’s when I came across Trish. She was waiting outside with TJ’s mom, but were planning to still walk around because of the time still left before the start of the play. Being Leonard, I just went to the gun stores. It’s not like I was obsessed or anything but I just wanted to take a look. Really. I saw the revolving semi automatic shotgun, some rifles and cute pistols. Though most of my time was spent checking some firearm magazines in this magazine store, I ended up just reflecting on the future. I was thinking, I don’t really need all of those to really live and in the end, it wouldn’t make me truly happy anyway. I was thinking on the purposes of firearms for civilians, it really seems like they’re some sport or something one can work at with, but in any other case, they’re best kept at home, unless say you’ll use it offensively. Anyway, I’m somewhat over that, and I guess I really would like to know what God would like me to do with this life that He has given me. However, my thoughts were cut short as I was alerted to come back to the Cinema as the lines were already getting long. There I joined Ia and Trish, while we waited in the long line when Trish noticed the Mr. and Mrs. Smith and asked what gun Angelina Jolie had, well I quickly replied it was a Para Ordinance Hawg. Hahaha. Marian and Cel joined us after a while before the show started but Smarla was called to an emergency practice. It was too bad, but she indeed had multiple roles which she was unexpectedly assigned. Nevertheless, we continued on, but there were no available seats left. Well there were some seats left, but the lady wouldn’t be kind enough to share. Therefore, we just took ourselves back and stood up to view the show. It started off with the Manoeuvers discussing what type of dance to perform until they agreed upon having a blend of everything. Shortly after that was this group of little kids who even had their own solo part and it was just too cute. After a while, it came upon TJ and Aldwin’s part where one would really appreciate what they’ve been able to learn. The performance was something quite admirable. I’d really wonder how they would be able to pull off some of those moves. Hahaha. Nevertheless, there were other exhibitions which were rather impressive, but I just didn’t completely appreciate their rendition of Hot in Here. That’s just me though, but the teachers really performed well also. I really got the feeling that I just couldn’t describe how skilled they were, because the group was extremely talented. It was just something nice to see especially if one considers the dedication the performers must place into their training. Anyway, I don’t think I’ll ever develop skills like those, I’m, not sure I was bestowed the passion for that. I suppose that I’m called for different things, however, I believe I’ve already found what the Lord has called me to and I’ll enjoy doing His will just as much.

Smooth

Breakdancing

The kids!

TJ and Aldwin's Part

Aldwin by the corner

That's Aldwin again

TJ's hiding.

Girls in military uniforms, but no guns...

Graduation

After the show, many of us were still in awe and couldn’t really comment as we didn’t have anything to add to it, it was great on its own. Moreover, we were outside when Smarla called to ask if we were staying behind. However, TJ and Trish went on their separate paths, Mar and Cel were planning to go to Shang as Aldwin, Ia and I decided to join them. We were hoping that Smarla could join us but she wasn’t allowed to come. Nevertheless we walked to Shang and sat down to eat, though I didn’t. I was quite sleepy at the time, so I didn’t really talk much. After a while Cel and Mar had to go, and the rest of us were left. Ah, Ia also gave me this little bottle of miracle water from Lourdes, I really appreciate the gesture. We got bored after a while and then decided to walk around. After a while, Ia had to go home already and I was left with Aldwin. Aldwin was really kind enough to accompany me around as my mom wasn’t there yet. I kept insisting that he didn’t have to and he’d better just go ahead as he had to ride the MRT, but he wanted to stay with me. Therefore, we just walked around, dropped by National Bookstore and took a look at the firearm magazines again. I got interested in this new FN SPR that made it into FBI service which could produce sub-MOA accuracy. Nice. After passing by, looked at some things at Hann, and Toby’s, yet the time came when I had to be fetched already. Thanks Aldwin I really appreciated that.

 

The next day, I started off reading the Bible, and then went off to CCF to this leadership training session. It was a shame that I was arguably late because there was a problem with someone to bring me there. It was rather awkward for me to be there since I found out that I was the only one in my dgroup who was interested in going and my leader wasn’t able to make it as well. So I felt alone, and I was actually late too and everybody else was in their groups discussing when I ended up sitting all by myself. I didn’t have a clue what to do but Kuya Ryan advised me to wait for the second part of the session. So I was there, blank moment, alone, waiting…and waiting…I just thought of praying instead but I didn’t feel that comfortable doing that since everyone else was discussing the session. It was weird. The whole world around me was talking, discussing and conversing but I was just in the middle silent…but wait…isn’t that normal for me? This time I just felt bad about it though. Nevertheless things brightened up when they were called to close in prayer and the next session commenced. However, thereafter the typical division of boys and girls followed while people were asked to arrange their seats, but it was all right. Oh but I was beside this girl though, Jo-Anne who was nice enough to tell me about her experience with her discipleship group. I was actually acquainted with the fundamentals of the D12 that day and I just found out that there is still much work to be done ahead for me. Looking ahead, it looks like there is really a distinct calling for me as the Lord placed me as the spiritual head of the CLC and I genuinely need to instill Christ into that community and make certain that the gospel is preached. Sometimes I had feelings of discouragement as know that it would really entail a lot of work and I would have to overcome so much, but I had to remember what it was like before I met Christ and my life didn’t have much meaning. Therefore I press on, relying on the grace of Christ to fulfill His purposes in them. That night though, I really appreciate Smarla for comforting me in my predicament, I genuinely am grateful for that.

 

The next day though I wasn’t able to go to leadership training for project S.C.H.O.O.L., but it was all right. I believe that the Lord has already placed me in a position where I may impart His message to a special community. Therefore, I just read the Bible the whole afternoon, but my dad came and asked me to go to a coffee shop with him and his friends, but said I could continue reading there. Anyway, there his friends were wondering why I was reading it, but my dad said I’m going to become the next pope. Hahaha. I guess the only way I’m going to be allowed to become a priest is that if I would go as far as Pope. That’s quite unlikely. Hahaha My dad jokes around with his friends and I often get involved with the matter. Anyway we’re not Catholic anymore but that hasn’t really been emphasized with all his friends. Sad…Nevertheless, what’s important isn’t religion but the relationship one has with the Lord and that’s only through Christ. I’m blessed to be almost finished reading through the Bible again. It has really been something that I learned to love.

 

Friday went well too. I started off with a few readings from Daniel, and set off to school. It was the H1 Orientation today and I had to help out in the mass. Afterwards, I joined Klentz, Thompson, Jandric, Renz, and TJ for another Core Group meeting, as Pancho was our special guest. Pancho kept making harsh comments with his distinct use of language, but at least he was able to somewhat enlighten us with what was on his mind. Nevertheless, it turned out that we somewhat kept on schedule, but there’s still work and finalizations to be done. I met with my brother after his orientation and set off for Shang afterwards to meet with Smarla and Aldwin.

 

It was generally traffic on the way there but I arrived around 1 pm. There I freshened up and sought out the CLCers in the food court. There I found out that Marc, TJ and Ia were also present. After a some conversations, Ia and TJ started arguing and they got physical. I have a video of it too. TJ says he’s a sophisticated and well matured bacteria. Ia says she could eradicate him. Oh well… I told TJ to calm down after a while as he started quarreling with everyone, and he did. He impressed me. Hahaha So quiet. Anyway, we watched A Lot Like Love which actually had a very distinctive plot which I couldn’t really grasp upon. I couldn’t really understand the start; it was as they said, too fast, so to speak. There were other particular scenes which were how I could put it, unprofitable maybe. Nevertheless, the story was somewhat cute and commendable, but it’s just that I was expecting a little more meaning or maybe overcoming struggle into it. It was still nice to watch though. I was forced to sit with Marc who would keep trying to hug me. Smarla was on the other side with Aldwin, TJ and Ia. We then broke out to take pictures all over the place. We just enjoyed ourselves very much. Marc had to go after a while, but we dropped by the arcade just to play around for a while. Aldwin and Ia played basketball, TJ and Smarla went against each other in air hockey as I played with the HK PSG-1 Replica. I shot some pictures on that too, but later on, TJ had to look around to decide on a new cell phone while Smarla became enthralled with some of the Globe promotions featuring a special someone. When it got late though, we all proceeded to Tokyo Tokyo where I couldn’t see anything on the menu that would fit my diet. However, when we got up, Ia and Smarla kept pushing me to eat. They were even trying to feed me. Later on, Smarla pretended not to be able to finish her food so I fell into believing and she shared the food with me. Oh well…Hahaha. Thanks Smarla, next time I’ll treat you. Anyway, TJ went ahead, then we all went to the fifth floor as Aldwin and Smarla went on to watch her classmate’s play. Ia was kind enough to accompany me to the gun store. I was looking around, then I saw, guess what, a Glock 19 and a Glock 26! Hahaha, I remember when I first fired that little pistol. Hahaha it was so cute. Anyway, I bought a black vest for gear and I really thank Ia for being there with me. After a while though, we went our separate paths. My mom fetched me and I attended my aunt’s birthday party later on.

 

They made me Minnie Mouse for the day.

Fantastic 4?

Aldwin and Smarla

Pushing the car

Lifting the Car. Hahaha

 

Doorknobs.

Smarla, TJ and Ia

Take note of the manikins.

Smarla, Aldwin and Ia playing basketball.

Me on the Heckler and Koch PSG-1

It was enchanting. Hahahahaha

Smarla vs. TJ

Umm...TJ lost...

Now they're going at it with the MP5s.

She was surrendering.

That's so bad...

TJ with his new friend

Smarla and GaryV

*Captivated*


 This summer has really taught me numerous lessons which I would have never been able to appreciate if not for my friends. Thank you all. I truly appreciate all of you being there for me and simply being the friends that I can stay around with. I know that it’s nearing school and I’ll eventually be off to work but I know that through Christ I’ll be able to accomplish everything in its right time. Much ministry work lies ahead and I have to post other matters too. Yet I have to trust that He’ll take care of everything as I cast my cares upon Him who cares for me. God bless you all.

Posted by LeonardCua at 02:36 AM | Add a Comment

May 29th, 2005

Yet Another Perfect Day.


LeonardCua

Okay, I'm not going to say it again, but third time's the charm.

What can I say, another perfect day orchestrated by the Lord. Started off with Him, filled the day with Him, and ended with Him, but I'll testify some other time. For now, I'll just stand in awe of His majesty, graciousness and splendor.

Highlights:

Started reading through Jeremiah

Watched the movie Unleashed with my Dad in SM

*Saw my crush favorite gun in action(Glock 18C)*

*Jet Li was so cute! Hahaha*

Went to Jzone

Went to watch Subtext for the last time.

Finish reading Jeremiah

Update:

How do I put this…Maybe it’s because it started the day before…

It started off all right; I was able to finish reading through Isaiah after I woke up. Then I went to my grandfather’s house next door to exercise. However, before I started, I send Smarla a message on the verse that struck me during my reading, so as to somewhat encourage her as I’ve learned that it has become quite helpful. Anyway, I continued on with the treadmill, crunches and my regular routine. Afterwards, I ate dinner out with my dad quickly as we aimed to arrive at the Bible Study just before it started. The message was quite fitting to what I needed to learn in for the near future. It started off with us discussing our prayer lives, and we were all humbled with the example of Jesus who would spend hours praying to the Father. I in turn would really like my quiet times to be more intimate and I truly desire to be closer to the Lord. However, the message dwelt more on the barriers of prayer, such as seeking with wrong motives and sin. Yet the importance of waiting on the Lord, following His will, and believing that sometimes, what we pray for might seem good in our eyes, yet God has greater plans. There’s just so much to learn in His perfect timing, how He’s just so faithful and gracious if we would think along His purposes. I was actually praying through the message, examining my conscience, checking my motives in the things that I’ve done, and simply discerning on my previous actions which could suggest different intentions. However, I suppose at that time, I was able to set things right with God, and simply implored that I would seek His Kingdom. After the message finished, the men and women split into groups to make a final prayer. Each cited prayer requests, but my dad started saying some things. Sometimes he jokes around. Anyway, he requested that we’d pray that the idols in my grandfather’s house burn in hell and that I’d stop being obsessed with guns. He stated that I would spend 11 hours on the computer searching on guns and 1 hour writing things of spirituality. He told me that I shouldn’t do that anymore and that we should just buy the real firearms to assassinate the politicians and the people who have debts with us. Then he took back that statement, and said we should kill the debtor’s spouse instead so that we could get paid. Well, he does joke around like that sometimes, and our fellow brothers were quite surprised. However, I have to confess that to some intent it’s true. I know that last time, I’ve been so obsessed with firearms that it was tearing me apart, yet this time somehow I’d been able to control it. Moreover, I don’t spend hours looking at pictures of guns, I spend hours typing and while I’m doing that, I’m multitasking by downloading videos too. However, I guess it really has to show something about love, as pertained through time. I’ve come across the insight that the best expression of love is through the time spent for someone. It’s something that you give that you’ll never be able to take back, and it just shows the importance of that person to you. Time must really be valued, since we’re not given much of it, thus spending it on what seems significant enough for someone really would express something. Thus, I really must spend my time in loving the Lord, and serving the tasks which He prepared for me. Though I do spend less time on such fascination of say firearms, it’s still something that makes a difference as I could use more of my time for greater purposes. I have to admit that somehow, the remnant of idolatry has remained within me, for these things in the world seem to entice so much, yet, giving one’s time to them would be such a waste. Nonetheless, I understand how the Lord used that part of my life to mold me into something more special, and I understand that I have to look at these things as nothing more than simple instruments created by man which I could use for my ministry if ever the need arises. Jesus once said, "I tell you, use the things you have here in this world to make friends. Then, when those things are gone, you will be welcomed in that home that continues forever.” (Luke 16:9) Therefore, I suppose I’m leaving my toys in the closet for a while, I’ll take them out sometimes if it would seem profitable for edification. Maybe I’ll be able to bring people to Christ through those material possessions. Haha, looking back, I guess somehow in some way I was able to accomplish the goal of drawing more people in reading my entries through the various pictures I’d put here. I’m blessed to have various readers from all sorts of places, thank you for your faithfulness. Anyway, I guess that these firearms would appear to me as simply instruments from now on, and they can never be anything more, for my devotion must belong to God. Back to the Bible Study, there we prayed to conclude the session, and when they prayed for me, they were really asking the Lord to enlighten me and guide my paths. Hahaha They really prayed over for me and what can I say, I’m just so blessed that God has shown me what truly matters in life and revealed to me such great truths. Anyway, that’s when Smarla replied and said thanks, though she didn’t really enjoy the show that well. She said that the audience wasn’t as receptive as before and many things went wrong. I told her that sometimes these things happen, encouraged her to work at the last performance with all her heart, and said that I’d pray seeing that I’ve learned so much about prayer that next time God would just touch the hearts of the audience, allow things to be all right, and just make the last performance enjoyable. Moreover, I promised that I’d do what I could to somewhat make things better. Then I thought…Hmm…I could do what I normally do, and pray also, but wouldn’t it be more meaningful if I did something a little more special…what if I was there…

Thus I did pray, right before asking my dad if I could go. I remember the second time I went to the play, when he was driving me there, around half way when he asked me what that play was about and I replied that it was the same one, we almost stopped. My dad questioned if I really had to go the second time, and I somehow convinced him. I think he also got a little irritated when the afterwards when all of us ate and he had to wait for some time for me to finish. I really owe much to my parents; they really love me and would tolerate it when I would have to go to many different places. I truly feel bad when they have to be the ones to bring me because I know that somehow I’m causing somewhat of a burden to them. I’m actually depressed that I hadn’t been able to spend time this summer to get my student’s permit as I still don’t know how to drive, and I’m actually a little afraid to. Anyway, I asked my dad that night for permission to watch the play for the third time and he just couldn’t understand why I would do that. Conversation ended there. Nevertheless, as we got home, I fixed my things, executed 1000 push ups, took a bath, and I was preparing to sleep, he still questioned me again on why I had to see the play again, and somehow it was difficult getting my parents to understand. Moreover, it was actually hard for me to grasp why I would do that. Nonetheless, before I was going to sleep, I think that my dad would somewhat bring me there, but then I asked if I could still go to CCF on the same day at the afternoon. However, that’s when he said that I shouldn’t treat him like a driver and that I should only choose one. Then he turned off the lights. Yes, I really feel bad about going out to places, especially on how it is that I’m somewhat putting the weight on my parents to drive me and pick me up every so often. With all the activities, gimmicks, and meetings that I attend, knowing the fact that somehow I’m enjoying the time spent while my parents are carrying the load is simply internal pain within me. Nevertheless, I had to make a choice. So, I didn’t sleep right away to think about the matter at hand. CCF or Koine Theater, Jzone or Subtext, God or Smarla. There it was inevitably clear, I was going to church to worship God, for He deserves that, and He loved me first. Yet, what about Smarla, she’s the friend I’ve never had, and she’s always been so nice. Moreover, the better question is why. I mean, do I really have to, why would I want to? Well, I’ve gotten to know Smarla and I found out that sometimes she gets insecure about some things, I learned how much she puts into performing and understood to some extent how much it meant to her. Seeing that it was the last time presented, and understanding that the impact on the audience of what she does values to her, it would seem fitting that as a friend I would be there for her. Yet, I love the Lord, and He’s always been there for me, thus I would go to church. However, I thought about what I just learned, and I thus reevaluated my motives. So I was thinking of why, and I found out that I could do so much more so as to support and be a friend, so as to comfort and express brotherly love, so as to witness and serve as a testament to how Christ changes people. Therefore I implored that I could go to both so that I could show that the Kingdom of Heaven is can be established through acts of kindness of simple people seeking the Lord’s purposes to serve as witnesses to His love. Thus I set my motives straight, waited on the Lord, and prayed. Actually, pulling everything off would seem so difficult, since there were so many different factors and areas where things could go wrong. I’d still have to convince my dad somehow, and getting to reserve a ticket might be a problem also. Moreover, there could be traffic, it could rain, I could be late, or so many other things. Yet, I had to just trust the Lord to take care of everything and I simply dedicated the next day for Him, and then I fell asleep.

 

On the next day, I woke up at around 8 a.m. and it sort of felt like a calling. Anyway, I started reading through Jeremiah down by the table when my dad joined me to read his Bible also. Around three hours later, without me even saying anything, he told me to get ready for the whole day as we were going to check some houses, eat lunch with his friend, watch a movie, then he’d just take me to CCF and the play afterwards. Gosh, you’ve just got to love the Lord. He truly makes everything work out if you put your trust in Him. I was quite taken back at that moment. I had to stop my reading though I was close to finishing the book and I went on to take a bath and prepare the things for the whole day. We left subsequently to pick up my dad’s best friend from high school, and we started looking at this house made beautifully with top of the line materials and workmanship. Around that time, I sent a message to Koine to reserve a seat and I was promptly replied with assurance. Thereafter, I took some pictures of the house as my dad was thinking of it possibly for my Aunt from the US who would be thinking of retiring here. The house was quite expensive though.

 

Afterwards, we proceeded to eat lunch nearby when my I learned that we were going to watch the movie, Unleashed. Then I was asked by if I liked watching Jet Li movies, yet at that moment I got a flashback of the trailer where I saw a my favorite gun, a Glock 18C being fired. Thus I replied that that movie would be nice. Hahahaha Hence, we went to SM Megamall since it’s the place nearest CCF and arrived at the theater right in time to see the Glock being fired near the end of the movie. That sort of spoiled the ending for me, but it was okay. I had to wait until the movie started again, and watching it was really a pleasure. It wasn’t what you would have expected from that genre, I could say it was really somewhat perfect. Quite touching really, as it provided such a wonderful plot that would just captivate you on the beauty of life. Jet Li really acted as if he was a dog, and he was just too cute in doing so. It was so charming to see him as if he was an overgrown child, learning the simplest of things. The way it was presented was actually so touching and it just made me appreciate the beauty of life. However, it did not disappoint with the action as it did deliver quite well, and my favorite gun was there. Hahaha. There was this really enthralling scene where the antagonist dropped the Glock 18C and it was so enchanting seeing it fall down to the floor and bounce once in slow motion. Hahaha It didn’t fire though, Glock’s triple safety does the trick. The fire rate was so amazing as seeing it in its full automatic function was sweet, but I can’t think about that too much, it’s just an instrument to me now…ahehehehehe. The movie overall just gave me that feeling of satisfaction as I really appreciated every moment of it.

Anyway, I had to move quickly to make it to Jzone as I knew that it would be another meaningful experience with the Lord. Moreover, worshiping Him would be such a pleasure as my relationship with Him has grown much deeper. I love Him. I owe Him that. However, I sent another verse from the Bible to Smarla but this time it contained an element of foreshadowing if you may. It was from 2 Corinthians 12:9 which states, “I am with you, that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.” Sent my regards, and asked the Lord to bless her. Anyway, the message there was so touching as it brought me back to remember on how I had learned to put my complete faith in Christ. It was so remarkable on how the speaker used quotes from Isaiah, the book I just finished reading the day before, that sort of taught me something about how the Lord relates different matters in His plan. Looking back, it’s just so wonderful for me, seeing that the Lord really orchestrated all sorts of events to nurture and make certain that I’ll grow in His love, as I’ve been able to come to realize His presence in my life. As a young Christian, I was really blessed to have the right lessons that I would need in order to understand much of the complexities of faith, and I have been able to realize such great truths and now I don’t have a shadow of a doubt on the Lord or the authority of the Bible or other such matters because I know in my heart that He’s there. I was gifted in coming to know this measure of scientific evidence which is just too overwhelming to comprehend. Moreover, I too have this share on experiences which are just awesome to contain. Thus, listening to that message was genuinely as moving for me as I remembered the immeasurable love of Christ that took Him on the cross for all of us. He really had such a deep love for us patterned with His breathtaking character which allowed Him to keep quiet even when being deceptively tried. There I took the commitment I once made to Him in living out His purposes, and seeking His kingdom back to heart as I knew that my life should be dedicated in doing so.

Afterwards, I had to move quickly as I proceeded back to SM Megamall to find my dad but I got lost after a while. However, subsequent to considering some directions and details,  I managed to find my way to meet with them and I took a light snack of salad, roast beef and chips before we left. However, it was raining outside, and we had to run to the car. Traffic was an issue, and it was already nearing the starting time. However, the Lord was really faithful and it was remarkable, roads cleared and we dropped by our house to pick up my mom. Then it happened. Now they questioned again why I was watching the play once more, for the third time. So they were sort of saying that I really didn’t have to and that I shouldn’t do anything like that ever again, but as they were continuing on, my dad said, “Baka pumoporma ka lang sa mga chicks.” I couldn’t believe it. What would suggest that thought? Anyway, don’t they know me too well to trust that I wouldn’t have that sort of motive in mind? Or maybe it’s just that I don’t really know my parents that well. However, I hope they could trust that I would never do anything like that for I’m different and I don’t really look for that in girls. Besides, if I had girls on my list, then I would be G cubed, namely God, Guns and Girls. That would be too much to bear, though it could be possible. Nevertheless, I’m blessed to be above that, for I know that the course of actions such as those is quiet useless for the matter. Moreover, the Lord has taught me to seek character, inner beauty and I just have the set of guidelines to follow. In addition to that, I’m blessed to know that it comes into waiting and I’m too young to be inclined to that. I just have so much to live for, authentic matters to be place my attention to such as studies, family, friends, and the Lord. Plus I’ll seek the Kingdom of Heaven first and fulfill the purposes that God has created me for. I must stay fixed on my ministry and the tasks that only I could fulfill. Besides, the girls were there last week, and Marc was quiet captivated. Hahaha. Anyway, I assured my parents that I was there for support though they said that I really shouldn’t support in that way. I just hope that my intentions were clear upon them. Then we arrived, and they dropped me off and went out to dinner.

 

Afterwards, I was glad to know that I wasn’t late, and I bought my ticked. I was actually surprised to see that TJ, Trish and Abby were there, but then again, I never got a chance to check who were coming and I actually came by surprise. Anyway, I sat down on the other side of the waiting room and sort of felt bad and had feelings of uncertainty of why I was really there. I was thinking again and considering some underlying reasons that would lead others to question my causes. However, that’s when I heard that all too familiar song again and was just reminded about the Lord, and the motives that I lifted up to Him the previous night. Yes there were many struggles, distresses and complications but deep inside, I realized that did it for the greater glory of the Lord and my dear sister in Christ.

 

Anyway, I aimed to reminiscence the feelings I found in Christ the first time I watched the show, and it was quite fulfilling. There were another set of actors again, and you could see the slight differences and little altered parts in the script to make the last show special in its own way. However, I really missed the portion where the director would give the introduction, which really would charm you. Though I suppose that his usual introduction was missed so the audience was a little bit reluctant to react as I saw that one of the moms was telling her children to keep quiet. I really like the director though, Trish also thinks he’s hot. Yet I wouldn’t put it in those terms, but he’s quite the talented guy. He can play the guitar well, dance, sing, is awfully fit, and has that charismatic way of speaking. He also has the heart for service and one can see His love for the Lord. TJ said I should be more vocal. Oh well…I guess I would have to learn to but it’s not something natural for me. Anyway, Smarla’s part actually went quite well, and I didn’t see anything out of place as everything worked out fine this time. Moreover, you could really see that she put her heart into it as she was quite natural and convincing. Smarla’s really capable of performing and can be quite proficient in it as well. However, TJ commented about how Ken acted and said we’re not like that. Hahaha. Yeah, but maybe some are. To some extent, maybe. Nah…Composure. I took pictures and some videos of the parts I didn’t have of before, but that gave my cover away. Anyway, the last part was again quite moving as it pertained to a more mature depiction of love as it certainly demonstrates on how love is able to really endure and manifest itself through troubles. The whole play was still as entertaining as it was even for the third time. The director arrived at around the middle of the play and was able to present a song as he usually does at the end of the show.


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 Thereafter, we took pictures, well actually only Smarla got to take a picture of us, but then she had to go back for the meeting afterwards. Trish and TJ had to go right away, and I stayed with Abby for a while until she too had to go. My parent’s weren’t there yet so I went back up to the stairs and continued on reading Jeremiah. There Abby sent me a message thanking me for staying with her for a while, and then the theater sent me a message too. I was waiting for my dad to tell me when they were coming already, but then Smarla sent a message of thanks. So we were just exchanging messages even if we were just a room away. Hahaha, She was inside, so I couldn’t bother her right? Hahaha. Anyway, Smarla went out after a while and I was still there and she expressed how she really appreciated it and I’m glad she did. Then she showed me some videos of Popeye dancing, Grimace dancing turning round and round, and it was rather funny. Although, I still like the moves of Jolibee a while back where he could grab his head and move it up and down. Hahahaha However, my parents already arrived to pick me up, and Smarla said good bye and thanked my parents too. I really owe them much. We proceeded to a coffee shop somewhere in the Greenhills area to meet with another of my dad’s friends and walked around a bit. The topics of the conversations are unprofitable to mention, they were joking around with me. Anyway, I got home, then started settling down and was able to finish reading through Jeremiah to complete the day.

 

So that was my struggle. Looking back, I guess I can say that it was quite the experience; I learned much about myself and more on the Lord. I’m in awe of His faithfulness and how He just allowed everything to run smoothly throughout the day. I suppose I just have to say that somehow, in seeking the right motives, waiting for the right timing and trusting the Lord completely, you’ll know how God works in our lives. That day was so special, I was able to accomplish what I had planned to do through the Lord and was able to overcome all the obstacles that were in the way, to fulfill the purpose of being there for my good friend and serving as a testament of how God works in the lives of His children. I love the Lord.

 

Mission Accomplished.

Posted by LeonardCua at 03:05 AM | Add a Comment

May 27th, 2005

# 7


LeonardCua

I haven’t been feeling very well for the past few days, for some reason I’ve haven’t been myself. For a couple of consecutive nights, I haven’t been sleeping at night at all, because of things on my mind and typing to be done. Thus, I’ve considered what the future year would be like, and commenced plans on ensuring fruitfulness in the upcoming spiritual activities. I just hope that the Lord’s hand would just guide our paths. Anyway, by around 8 a.m. when I was already supposed to be at school for the Core Group meeting, my dad was still asleep so I couldn’t get there. By around nine I send Mar and Smar a message saying I couldn’t go to the mass but I think that the message wasn’t able to reach. Anyway, it was at that time that Jon texted me asking if I was coming to the meeting, and I replied I was already on my way as my dad and I already departed. However, TJ replied through Jon and made this joke asking if it was traffic in the sky, but it was accompanied by a large smiling face. When I arrived, they were already deliberating on the recommitted member’s list and we just went on with the meeting. I warned them that I hadn’t slept for over 36 hours and asked for their pardon if ever I fell asleep as it would be a long session. Later on, we each explained our prepared GOSMs which I really put time and thought into writing. However, when I tried to explain it, I really encountered difficulty in trying to explain it verbally. I felt so bad, seeing that I somehow had difficulty trying to impart what I meant. I don’t think they really understood what I had planned, and I’m disappointed that I couldn’t seem to put things into simpler terms so that they could know what I meant. It looks like I’m really better off writing about things than speaking them out, as I’ve said; I need some sort of training.


 

 

Check out Jon’s tie.

Anyway, what’s been discussed in the meeting are to be left there, but there were other topics which have been fool around with that really disturbed me. How members of the core joked around with their obedience to XS CLC Way of Life # 7. Number six was mentioned too. Well just don’t ask me what those are, for I’m really disgusted at the immorality, however, that’s something I really have to accept, that there’s much edification to be done. By lunch, they moved on to talking about the girls they like, how beautiful they were, or the excuses they’ve made to get their numbers. Then they started making jokes asking how many girls I had and how they would be the ones asking for my number. Well that’s not entirely true, but there’s been this girl bothering me for a while when she’d keep sending miss calls. It’s getting a little annoying since I don’t know if she’d like to talk or if she’s just playing around with me. Yet, I have a respect from her seeing that she’s from church. Anyway, I’m blessed that I’m not enticed with beauty for God has shown me that it will just fade away and I guess I’ve learned to seek something more than that.  I’m also glad that the Lord has sustained me from spending such time in those sorts of matters, as I’ve got much better use of the time that God has granted me. However, I have to confess though, I had been spending some time with my dear one. I ran around over fifty blocks buying things for her, then spent over five hours waiting for the right time. Then, I carefully exhausted over 7 hours of my energy getting my hands dirty and my body tired for her to look better. Needless to say, I indulged much of my time for her and she deserves it. She’s simple, elegant, reliable and really dependable. She’s now got that character which shines and that sense of appeal that turns heads. Though I can’t love her the same way I did anymore, she’s always there for me and is just such a joy for me to have. I’ll enjoy her for who she really is for now, but I have to seek the Kingdom of God first. Sorry, my Glock 18C. Hahaha, who did you expect?

Glock 18C Polished Slide

The silver slide really changed the character of the gun, which really shines.

Black Compensated Barrel

With Extended Magazine and Laser Sight

Glock 18C with the little brother Glock 23F

It just makes me smile.

I ran to the airsoft shop, then to the hardware store to get the metal slide, upgraded recoil spring and metal guide rod for her. Dipped the metal slide in paint stripper for 5 hours, then spent over 7 hours sanding down the black paint, opening and transferring the internals (Messing with the insides of a gun is really difficult), and polishing it to silver. My thumbs and fingers really hurt as I had difficulty sanding it down and that little grub screw on the rear sight was extremely hard to access and tighten. The barrel, rails, loaded chamber indicator, and top part of the slide were kept black for a nice two tone look. I’ll be playing around with this sometime and I can now pose a la Bad Boys as I now have two chromed Glocks. Hahaha.

Yet there’s something which I have to take into consideration, true, she looks nice, even beautiful, but appearance never lasts. For “we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18) As Jesus said, heaven and earth shall pass away, and only the things unseen are eternal. Thus, I must focus on those.

Anyway, we continued on the meeting after lunch, but after a few more hours, as we were discussing matters in depth, I got really sleepy. One note though, never lie down on the carpeted floor of the YCLC room when you haven’t slept for over 36 hours. I was trying to listen so intently, but then I dozed off. It was good that I we were almost finished anyway and I was somehow listening in my sleep. Anyway, I woke up again and it seemed I didn’t miss much, but I’d check the minutes for clarity. We ended the meeting with a prayer, and then went on our separate paths. TJ met with Mr. Agulto and anxiously showed his picture with the AJSS dormers. Mr. Agulto commented how nice one of the girls looked and asked which of the girls were his type and TJ replied, “Secret!.....Ay, hindi wala!” Hahaha. TJ, if you’re reading this, nothing really, I just found that funny. I’m still not myself. 

Anyway, Xavier now looks like Ateneo.

I exited Gate One then went to my mom’s clinic in City Center and just slept in one of the beds for the patients. Hahaha. Next day I was treated and it really hurt, but I managed to finish reading Isaiah too. Anyway, it looks like I’ll really get busy during the next couple of days as we’re preparing for the start of school. It seems sad that summer vacation is almost over, but it seems that many of my goals have been reached and the Lord has just been so gracious that I’ve been able learn so much and develop my relationship with Him and others also.

Posted by LeonardCua at 06:34 PM | Add a Comment

May 24th, 2005

Seven? Eight? Nine! :)


LeonardCua
I’m okay. Quite fine. Not really. I’m not sure. One night I couldn’t sleep because I realized something awful. It seems my current feelings and the situation at hand seems somewhat parallel to one of my previous relationships a long time ago. Gosh I don’t want the same things to happen, but I guess somehow it’s inevitable, and all I can say is that she did serve her purpose, quite well too. Yet it really feels bad, but I wouldn’t want to talk about it anymore since I knew that from the start it was something far off from reality. So I suppose that letting go completely would somewhat liberate me and set things right as it would seem that summer’s ending anyway. God really gives one the upper hand in vision as He supplies wonderful insights for His beautiful plan in each of us. I’ve learned to become a much better person and I’ll never look back with regret. She seemed like everything that I’ve ever wanted, but I’ve found that in Jesus.

On the lighter side of things, some night ago while I was eating dinner, my dad spotted this mouse in the kitchen that ran under the refrigerator. My father told me to get my gun and kill it, so I had to obey. I took out a Beretta M92FS spring pistol as anything more powerful than that could damage the glass around. When I used the flashlight to look for it, it sensed the movement and ran to some boxes on the side. I proceeded towards those boxes, took aim at the corner and waited for a few moments. The little mouse popped its head out and was lined up against the sights of the pistol. A trigger squeeze later, it was dead. Gosh it was so disturbing. It was bleeding from the eye! That was disgusting. When I was telling Lorenzo about this story, he said, “Kilig ka naman sa ginawa mo.” Well, I have to confess, a little. Yet, it was something I had to do, my dad gave the command. Oh well… Oh by the way, animals don’t go to heaven, the Bible says they don’t have souls, but we’re blessed with a spirit that will last forever. Hey Lorenzo, thanks for being the friend that I can talk about guns with, you don’t know how much that means to me.

Anyway, last Saturday I was finally able to return to Jzone despite my previous absences because of many meetings, and I was truly blessed with the message. Though I hardly slept the night before due to all that typing, I was granted the strength to go. Filled with zeal, I walked in with happiness as I knew how much I wanted to praise the Lord. Quite fittingly, the message concerned finding true happiness not found in possessions, popularity, achievements or relationships, but found in the One who created happiness. I was truly able to relate with this, seeing that I’ve been through that same worldly thinking and it seemed like the Lord was really talking to me through the speaker. The thing is, what’s wonderful about these messages is that though they deal with the area of spirituality, there’s just so much logic put into them. The lifespan of a man seems like nothing compared to eternity, (Psalm 144:4) and everything else would just pass away. (Matthew 24:35) It would seem meaningless to seek happiness with the world and indulge in its pleasures, for Solomon has done that and already concluded that it all ends in futility. (Ecclesiastes 2:10-14) Yet Jesus came to make the difference as He said, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:10-11) This time I guess I needed a little reminding, and God just blesses people so much as they follow His will. I want to remain in the love of Christ and stay there because only with Him do I find true joy as He’s the One who genuinely loves me. Moreover, I was struck by the passion of Paul as he was in content in Christ and has been through all sorts of situations, statuses and sentiments, but still managed to be satisfied with what God blessed him with. Though I have already been familiarized with this point, I have yet to take it to heart, and I hope that I’ll really be able to.

My Dgroup session was really meaningful, and I’m really glad to have friends whom I can speak with regarding matters of faith. It’s such a pleasure for me to be able to discuss such great truths and spending time with them is such a joy. My leader Danielle just got a hair cut, it was a surprise since he normally has longer hair. Anyway, he called me Vin Diesel again. Gosh, I don’t look like him, do I? Hahaha, they said that with the body, hair and everything, I only lacked the loud voice. Awww…I’m soft spoken, and I’m not that tall either.

Nevertheless, the night spent at home was really great, I met this new girl. We started off talking and getting familiar with each other, laughed around a bit and spent some time becoming more acquainted. However, after a while, the Lord opened a door, and then I was able to share the Good News. I counseled her on her bouts with doubt and tried to explain the wonder of the grace of Jesus Christ. Gosh that made me so happy, I was able to save one more for Jesus. Hahaha YM Evangelization! Remarkable what you could do these days with technology. I was telling Smarla a while ago about the incident but then I think she got the wrong idea. Hahaha. Well the truth is I’m really having a difficult time dealing with some of these girls who just add me in their messenger’s list. Many of them are unpleasant, vain, or too superficial that entertaining them would be an unprofitable use of my time, and that’s why I take that girl I like so dear to me, she’s someone I’d think I’ll never encounter again. Anyway, as I was talking to Smarla, Aldwin and Raphie just started eavesdropping. That was so impolite. Hahaha.

Last Sunday I had to wake up early to spend the day with my family as it was my dad’s Family Day in his batch. You see, with his batch from High School in Xavier still meets every once in a while because they’ve become such close friends. Annually, they celebrate one family day with each other and just enjoy the company of their close friends. I really hope that when I’d grow older, I’d still be able to be close with my CLC friends. Anyway, there were some games, well, these men still play around and act childish sometimes. Hahaha It’s amusing seeing them still have the spirit for things even if they’d become around 50 years old already. Oh yeah, the amount I donated at the Koine Theater was given back to me ten fold. Wow. God really does have a way with blessings. Anyway, when we went home, my dad brought home dozens and dozens of beer cans from the gathering to store in case they’d come and visit. We also took around a dozen liters of soft drinks given out. I drink neither. It was generally a fine day spent but the heat got to us.

 

XS Batch ’71 Family Day

The Old Friends

 

Then I went undercover. Hahaha

My parents brought us to a children’s party of one of her colleges’ daughters from her residency in dermatology afterwards. It was quite the experience, the little kids were too cute playing those games. I got to see Chucky. Haha Yet, that encounter allowed me to sort of look back in my life and reflect on the times when I was a little child. My mom was telling me on how I would chase after cats the first chance I had gotten the chance to walk. Hahaha I remember that, I really thought the cats were cute, especially the little kittens. They scratched my little hands. Now all the cats are afraid of me, and I still chase after them sometimes. Hihihi, but my dad thinks they’re a pest and told me to shoot them. Yet somehow, when I line up the crosshair of my rifle and take aim, I can’t squeeze the trigger. Maybe it’s a sentimental thing… Those little kids really can teach a lot about life, they can show the beauty of it in its earliest aspect, how adorable they would appear as they’d try to attempt doing the simplest things. God just made everything so beautiful. However I couldn’t keep watching for long, I had to sit out by the window and watch over the car as the slightest of sound would trigger the alarm. Hahaha. Moment by moment I had to trigger the button to stop the sound, but it really made me think about how simple objects can really complicate matters. Oh well…

 

The little kids

he Playing with their parents

Chucky!

I woke up the next day early, but I hugged my pillow and went back to sleep. I kept waking up though, and did the same thing as somehow, I didn’t want to get up yet. Nevertheless at around 12:30 I had to, and I went looking for my Bible, but couldn’t find it. I opted for the a chapter of the PDL instead and relived the significance of sharing Jesus to others as He changes lives. I took a bath, got ready, ate a salad, found my Bible and went off to Gateway. I was afraid that I’d be really late as I arrived at 2:00, but I was actually there first. Aldwin and Raphie came along in the escalator and after a while Marc, Marian and Smarla joined us. Vincent called to find us but he was actually right in front of us. Anyway, they planned the whole gathering in order to view Star Wars and though I had already watched it, but Smarla said it would be different if I’d watch it with them, and it was. Hahaha. I went to the lower seat and Smarla joined me after. Sitting with Smarla was such a pleasure since she’d really make the sad and scary moments so cheerful. Hahaha. She has this God given gift of making the people around her so joyful. Before the movie started, I saw this trailer of the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I really would like to watch that movie, my favorite gun is there, and Brad Pitt uses two of them. Hahaha Nevertheless, the movie started soon, and watching it again with them allowed me to appreciate the lighter matters in the movie such as how cute R2D2 and Master Yoda were, how adorable the different creatures were, and how cool the speech of Master Yoda would be. I remember the scene of Annakin waking up in the night and Aldwin came up to me and whispered, “Leonard, check out those pecks.” Hahaha. Smarla was irritated by the actions of Annakin, Raphie was a little sarcastic and Marc really enjoyed himself. Yet, the reminiscence of the whole depressing story again wasn’t so bad this time as watching the movie again was generally much more enjoyable. Seeing that I already knew the plot and anticipated what to expect, viewing the presentation again had that sense of ease, peace of mind, and also the sensation of cheerfulness as with the company of friends.

After the movie, we all walked briskly to buy tickets for Amityville so we could join Trish in the movie. However, as we all started running since time was an issue, Marc ended up pushing Smarla down. Awww…Thankfully she seemed to be all right and not seriously injured. We were all able to make it to join Trish as Marc, Trish, Smarla and I sat on one row but were separated from Raphie, Aldwin, Vincent and Mar. I didn’t expect that the movie would be frightening as watching Six wasn’t scary at all. It actually started of rather interesting with this man using what appeared to be a Marlin Model 336 Lever action centerfire rifle, but he used it to kill his family. Smarla had already seen this movie and told me to cover my eyes at those scary scenes, but I have to confess that I peeked and really payed for it. Gosh that movie was extremely frightening, it got me really scared. All of us were hiding in our seats, even Marc was terrified. There were really horrifying scenes with disrupting figures of people. It was also sad for the priest who was the only one the family could turn to but was also hurt in the process. Oh wait, there was some nice shot gun scenes with what looked like a Mossberg Model 590. There were certainly numerous frightening moments as everyone were so relieved when the break of dawn came in the next scene. I really can’t say much about the experience, I got really cold and my skin tightened. After the movie finished, we were all glad to just get out of there.

Anyway, as we were going to the food court, Mar and Vincent said they were leaving soon so we started to take pictures. Afterwards, we went to find some seats and discussed how scary the movie was, until TJ joined us. We caught up with each other, but unfortunately TJ and Trish had to leave too. I took their picture before they left. Marc and Smarla went to buy some food and I in turn lined up to purchase something too. However, that’s when my dad sent me a message that he was there already and I had to go. Aldwin didn’t want me to go yet, Marc grabbed a hold of my biceps, embraced Raphie, but when I hugged Smarla, we bumped each other’s heads. Sorry Smar! That day was really great and I was blessed so much by it. The Lord really made that experience very memorable, He always has. However, when I was on my way home with my dad, I sort of felt bad about my parents since it really seems like a burden that they’d take me to different places at unforeseen times even if they’re busy. I really hope I’d be able to learn to drive soon so that somehow I’ll lighten their load on me.

Trish and TJ with his patented pose

I got Smarla first

Leonard, Marian, Aldwin, Smarla, Trish, Marc, Vincent; Raphie took the picture

I just have to say now that some perspectives have changed, I feel much better and I know that I’ll find true joy in following the commands of the Lord and abiding in His love. There’s just so much I could do with this life I’ve been blessed with and the God deserves nothing less.

Posted by LeonardCua at 04:01 PM | Add a Comment

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